I set out to find the perfect woman – ‘wife material’. I made a highly-detailed list of requirements; by which I mean character traits, idiosyncrasies, and then superficial, surface-level details. I put my list in the percolator, refined and defined and realigned my perception with reality. This is what it spat out at me:

1.Face.
2.Tits.
3.Ass.

I am the alchemist of love; I can turn shit into gold.

But then I got to thinking… What is it that men want? Do we just want a pretty smile on some pulchritudinous face? A vagina to come home to after a long day at the office? I think this is just what some girls think that we want. When I think for myself I’m not so sure.

I want a girl who feels like home.

Feel kind of sad to see latent hotties flipping out because they don’t have big enough titties.

Feel kind of ashamed that they feel they have to conform to sluttiness and being dumb.

Feel kind of weird when they smear their faces in make-up in lurid protest.

Wish they could just chill.

-Are you a boy or a girl?
-Are ‘crazy’ girls easier than regular ones?
-Is it misogynistic to dislike crazy girls?
-Is this girl trolling?
-Are sensitive guys just faking it to get laid?
-Are we all just selfish gene-machines at heart?

Thought the original Batman and Robin was gay but now I’m not sure I know what ‘gay’ even means anymore…

Feeling sexy. Gonna lick a door knob.

If I’m lucky I’ll get double-teamed.

Gonna wear my Sunday hat so I don’t feel like a tramp.

If only I hadn’t forgotten my key…

http://doorknobgirl.tumblr.com

Feeling hungry…Apparently Bill Paxton directed the official video for the fish head song. What does it all mean?

I took a fish head out to see a movie. Didn’t have to pay to get it in.

I am forever more edified.

Oo la la…