Feel like my meagre words would be imbued with superpowers. Even if I just wrote nouns without verbs - ’shoe’ ‘carrot’ ‘transience’ – it wouldn’t matter, because people would be too mesmerised to give a shit.

I like reading in the bathroom. Once upon a time I got some mail written on ‘Batman’ writing paper and it made me so excited that I nearly fell in the toilet.

Then, the very next day, that gay health guy from American TV sent me a letter saying that I was going to die. But it didn’t matter because he had an iridescent array of balloons in his hands and it took all the pain away.

http://www.letterheady.com

If you happen to be American and concerned about the number of perverts that are living in your vicinity then you might want to mosey on over to www.familywatchdog.us/, a dainty little number that allows users to search the National Sex Offenders Registry under the parameters of either location or name. The exercise is not recommended for those of a nervous disposition though, as some of the results can be quite startling – such as this map that I was presented with after typing in the zip code of the old World Trade Centre site (10048). Each dot represents either a child abuser, a rapist, or a sexual battery (perhaps for when the Duracell Bunny feels a little lonesome…?).