Last time I’m fingering a chick…

Something changed. I lost my naive idealism and optimistic outlook on the world. For some reason I stopped caring so much about the little things, even though they’re the ones that constitute the most part of our workaday existence.

Sometimes just wish I wasn’t so hopelessly aware of the meaningless of it all. Wish I could turn back the clock sometimes and imbue everything with a halo tinge of sentimentality or ignorance, convince myself that there was some master plan, some great benevolent force that oversees and overrides each and every impulse.

Wish I didn’t have to think for myself. Wish I could just float on down the river like I used to; throw rocks at the suckers on the banking and convince myself that by floating free and out of control I would be taken places without effort or exertion, that ‘destiny’ would lead me where I was supposed to be.

Don’t believe in any of that stuff no more. Don’t believe in souls or purpose or design. Only believe that you get one shot and so you better make the most of it. So why waste time?

Wish life was just one big retro-future orgasm. Wish we were floating through hyperspace holding each other’s hands and wishing that things need never be any different. We’re so small in the scheme of it all and time will continue without us.

Gonna go get some exercise.

Gotta start blogging by the book…

Genuinely excited about the new M83 album.

If only all kitchens were like this…

1. ‘James Bond’ Showers

It all begins with hot water, but then you switch to cold. At first you might dance around screaming, but once you’ve got over the initial shock, you’ll realise that your life has changed: you feel more awake than you have done in years, your heart is pounding in your chest, and you feel the beautiful sweetness of being alive because you’ve shocked yourself back to being again.

Instructions:

1.Get in shower. Turn on hot water.
2.Build up courage. Switch to cold.
3.Ride it out.

2. Become a ‘Tea Junky’

Been trying to be more cultured. Need to be more relaxed. Got bored of coffee and the accompanying jitters, needing to mellow in my old age. Just wanna learn about the world and its most popular drink. Gonna drink goddam tea as though its some goddam religion.

Instructions:

1.Find a place that sells specialty teas.
2.Experiment.
3.The end.

Recommended:

1.Green Tea
2.Houji Cha
3.Lapsang Souchong
4.Earl Grey
5.Dragon Tea

3.Take a ‘Daily Constitutional’

Nothing better than seeing the sights, getting some air. Get the train or the bus to work? Get off a stop or two early and walk the rest of the way. Gotta day off? Walk somewhere. Break free of your routine, take circuitous routes about the city. Don’t be one of those douche bags that doesn’t do anything.

Instructions:

1.Walk.
2.Enjoy.

Bonus: People are gonna be super impressed when you tell them that you took your ‘constitutional’. Healthy and erudite? Way to get laid, big buddy.

4.Make Small Talk

Yes, this is definitely lame. You don’t wanna be one of those freaky people that ‘invades people’s personal spaces’. Just seems to me though that a lot of people are too busy or too cool for small talk. They’ve watched too many movies and think that life should just be about the ‘big things’ or the ‘special moments’. Truth be told though, everybody has a story to tell and you’re not gonna get it out of them unless you reach out somehow.

Instructions:

1.Say ‘hi’.
2.Ask questions.
3.See what happens.

Get outside yourself and into the hearts of others. Fuck being aloof, bro. That shit’s for pussies.

5.Smile

Being miserable is pretty cool but smiling makes you happy.

Smile at people in the street. Smile at the people who serve you at supermarket checkouts and fastfood places. Smile at people you know. Probably they’ll smile back and the world’ll seem a nicer place.

Instructions:

1.Smile.

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-Is this list likely to enhance your quality of life?
-Is ‘happiness’ overrated?
-Does being miserable, cynical bastards make people look cooler?
-Why the fuck am I still writing this stupid blog when nobody reads it?
-What is the meaning of life?

God, this song brings back so many good memories…

From the album Cum Laude!

Black People Singing About Chicken:

This is what the inside of my head has felt like ever since the girl of my dreams dumped my ass and left me in the gutter…

How does a person become lonesome? Is it because life has been cruel? Or is it because they’re flawed in some way?

Found this video of a bitch titty old man popping balloons in his living room.

First of all I started laughing at him. I was like: “Ha! What a fucking loser!”, but then, as I looked closer, paid extra special attention to that vacancy in his eyes, as though some morose gorilla in a cage, I felt my heart implode.

Wonder if this guy’s lonely because he pops balloons or if he pops balloons because he’s lonely?

Sad.

-Are lonely people just ‘assholes’?

-Do you like to pop balloons?

-Are the Beatles overrated?

-Has life been cruel to you?

-Do you have man boobs?